Here’s a story of lovely lady who doesn’t always put her thinking cap on quite tightly enough.  Yes, that lady is me.  And maybe it’s a bit conceited to refer to myself as lovely, but I need the boost today anyway I can get it.

In recent months I’ve been making a lot of art out of old pallets.  And I thought a natural progression would be to find some old barn wood and see what I could do with that.  I checked out Craig’s List and saw a local guy advertising barn wood for sale. I contacted the guy, who told me his name was Ken, and we set up a meeting time.  Always a little wary about meeting total strangers in an unknown location (Hello?  Craigslist Killer?) , I jokingly gave my husband the address so he would know where to “look for my body”.  Then before setting out I texted my neighbor and asked if she would grab my son off the bus “in case I don’t make it back in time”.  Ha Ha.  Wink Wink.

I had no idea where I was going.  About 20 minutes in, I thought maybe I had missed a turn so I pulled over and tried to check the GPS on my phone.  No luck.  I was so far off the beaten path, I had no cell service.  I couldn’t help but find the humor in that.  That’s always how it starts in the movies, right?  Cell phone cuts out, car battery dies, etc…?

Well, pushing that aside, I did find where I was going and pulled into the driveway where Ken had said he would meet me.   A green truck was parked right at the edge of the driveway.  When the driver of the green truck saw me pull in, he began to move forward.  Assuming this was Ken, I followed.  And followed.   And followed. The pavement ended and we continued the drive up a long, bumpy dirt road.  Past an old abandoned, trailer. The road continued to wind into the woods, around through the trees.  When the road ended completely, we continued to drive across a grassy field.  That’s when I finally became a bit nervous and stopped my car.  The green truck backed up next to me.  I rolled down my window.  “I sure hope you’re Ken”, I said “otherwise I’m just following some stranger to who knows where”.  The man laughed, “Yep, you’re fine, follow me”.  And I did.  Onward we drove.  Across the clearing, toward another patch of trees until finally we pulled over near an old abandoned barn.  Where the hell is this place?

Now, I know it may seem foolish that I would exit my car at this point, but what else was there really to do?  I got out and said “Wow, this is certainly remote”.  Ken said – and I swear I wouldn’t make this up – “Yep, a person could really disappear back here”.  Yikes!  He really is going to kill me!  He’s thought about this.  This is where he takes his victims.  He probably has one tucked away in that old trailer right now!  Oh my gosh, what have I gotten myself in to?

But then, there we were, walking toward the barn and talking about the type of art I make with the wood.  So maybe he’s normal?  Or is he just trying to win me over?  Have I been watching too many 48 Hours Mysteries?  Yes.  Yes, I have.  Because it turns out that Ken was really just a guy trying to make some extra cash off this old barn.  Which may or may not have been his.  For all I know, he just discovered it and then decided to take his victims, er, interested parties back there to sell off the wood.

In any event, I chose the planks I wanted and Ken carried them back to my car.  He even cut them for me with the chain saw he just happened to have in his trunk!  Yes, I was alone in the woods with a strange man with a chain saw.  No cell phone service, too far from the road for anyone to see or hear me.

A bit risky, but look at that beautiful old barn wood!  I can hardly wait to work with it.  Needless to say, I was happy to be out of there safely.  But there’s still a lot more wood there, and now that I know it’s safe, I’ll probably go back…

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